How to get your *GLOW* back
Sometimes in life we have seasons where we feel totally drained. It might be that you've been through a big life-changing event or you've been non-stop for so long that you haven't been able to come up for air. It happens and it's important to remember that when it does, we are only human and are not superhuman.
I have always been someone to move at the speed of light, jumping from one thing to the next without much of a break in between, if even at all. It can be a strength and a weakness. I say this because I have always moved at this pace, I have become accustomed to it. The issue with it is, I am like this when I am 100% but I am also like it when I'm at 1%. I don't give myself a chance to refuel and in the spirit of honesty, I'm starting to burn out.
I have been full speed ahead for so long that over time I've lost my glow. My Mum says that I have something about me that draws people towards me, she calls if my glow. Like how the sun draws people out and helps everyone to feel more positive. I know that my glow has dimmed a little and I know it's because I'm not taking the time to recharge or change the batteries.
I think part of my issue is that I don't know how to relax, if I try I just feel guilty and feel like I should be doing something. Another part of the issue is I will hyper-fixate on a task or a number of 'to dos' and if no one else is around I will not stop, often forgetting to eat and hydrate in the process and wareing myself out physically and mentally. By the time my husband gets home, I'm grumpy, tired, my back aches, I'm starving and I just want to cry.
So how do I and as an extension of this, YOU get your glow back?
You Time.
What comes to mind when you picture 'you time'? For me I imagine cosy socks, a cosy lounge wear set, a steaming cup of hot chocolate (with whipped cream and marshmallows on top because I'm not a heathen), a gripping book and a snuggly arm chair which looks so big it could eat me. I would sit there till I'm old and grey, only getting up for hot chocolate top ups and Maryland cookies.
Whilst I unfortunately am not able to do solely this until I turn 60, I can make time for it, whether that be everyday or once a week. The point is to create space to do something you love, away from other people. When we are around others too much we can become overwhelmed and often feel like we need to "fit in", but when we allow ourselves some breathing space, we can grow as people and replenish our energies, ready to face the world again tomorrow.
As someone who likes writing, 'you time' can also be spent journaling. I cannot tell you how good it feels to write things down sometimes. Getting things off your chest and clearing you head before your 'you time' will allow you to be more open to receiving that space for yourself. When your journaling it can be about anything, whether that be your worries, stresses or about how wonderful your day has been, it enables you to be more present in you day and the best part is that you don't have to show anyone, it's just for you.
Prioritising.
When I say prioritising, I don't mean looking through your work to do's and arranging them in order of importance, although this is a good idea. What I actually mean is where you place yourself on your personal list of priorities. Despite what all the rom-coms suggest, the most important person and thing in your life is you. Not you significant other (even if they do have a good butt), not your children (although yes they are very important) and not your pet (but they do need walkies). It's YOU.
Please don't hear that I want you to start kicking everyone else in your life aside and start being selfish. There is actually a way of Prioritising yourself without compromising your time with others. The best way to do this is to say No. I don't mean all of the time, but if something doesn't serve you and isn't worth your time, don't just go along with it to appease someone else, say No. This can be harder if, like me, you rest a lot of your worth on the judgments of others. It won't be an easy thing to do and it will take time to learn it but ultimately you'll benefit from it to no end.
Another way to prioritise yourself is by having protected time. This means putting time in your diary specifically for that you time I mentioned in my first point and not sacrificing that for anything. The time needs to be like Sunday's to church goers. You aren't giving it up for anyone or anything because it is something that brings you life, energy and positivity.
Talking.
We don't often realise we are burning out until we are already burnt out. A lot of this is because we are so good at saying 'I'm fine' or 'yeah I'm good' when someone asks how you are. What we aren't doing, which we know is beneficial, is talking to people and being honest about how we truly feel. Using opportunities to talk to people truthfully can enable us to offload what troubles us the most and maybe gain insight and advice on how to get through it.
Allowing things that stress you out to fester isn't healthy, everyone gets stressed from time to time and that's okay, it's knowing your outlets which will ensure that stress is dealt with appropriately. I know from experience that talking to people has allowed me to see a different side to the issues I'm facing and from that point I've been able to tackle them more easily.
Having someone to talk to is extremely important, I realise everyone might not feel like they have someone to talk to, if this is the case, there are loads of services available to you either through your doctor, online, text or you might find the company you work for offers an employee assistance program. There are a number of charities which offer free support, such as:
Shout is a free crisis service for anyone to contact if they need to via text on 85258.
The Samaritans is another charity which can be accessed via text or email on 116123 or jo@samaritans.org
Taking a Break.
Taking a break doesn't always mean holidaying in The South of France and lets be honest, not many of us can afford that right now. There are other ways to take a break. Sometimes all you need is a free weekend to potter around the house in your dressing gown, drinking too many cups of tea. At other times you might need to get out of your current setting, staying at a friends house might suit your needs better or if you have the money to spend a night or two at a hotel.
Of course these are all short term solutions and are great if your not already burnt out. At other times burn out can make us so incredibly unhappy that we feel lost and no amount of the above is going to help if your just continuing the same cycle. In this case I would recommend going to see your GP. Last year I was experiencing extreme burn out due to an adjustment disorder and when I went to see my GP they recommended signing me off work for a couple of weeks in order for me to get the rest I needed.
What I was experiencing was extreme and I've very grateful that I was able to take paid leave. GP's may not always sign you off, it may depend on the issue and its severity, the great thing about talking to your doctor about it is they will hopefully have other suggestions which you could follow. If you feel like taking time off is something you NEED then you can ask your doctor to sign you off.
Vision.
When we are young, we dream big dreams and start heading in the direction which brings us the most joy and sparks passion within us. Sometimes, when we get burnt out and the happenings of life start to drag us down, we can lose sight of our vision, our reasons for why we do what we do. So many people have experienced this and don't know how to rectify it to regain that passion.
The way I re-center my vision is by creating something called a vision board. This can be a physical or computerised collage of images, words and materials which speak to your passions and the direction you want to head in. I love using inspirational quotes and fun pictures. For example, one day I would love to have my own podcast with someone and have special guests on to talk about wellbeing, women's health, books and my goal with it would just be to have fun! So, on my vision board I have an image of a podcast microphone.
Your collage can look and make you feel however you want it to. The point of it is that when you feel like your getting a little lost , it is there to remind you of where you want to go, why you're doing what you're doing and help you figure out what to do next.
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It's important to know that everyone has bad days or bad seasons. It doesn't make you different or a bad person because you are struggling. These things are there to help give you a stepping stone to feeling like yourself again and getting your glow back. You are never alone and there are always others out there that know what you're going through and have a listening ear to get you to where you want to be.
Thank you for taking the time to read this, remember, we are only human and you are capable of recovery.
I believe in you!
Love Em x